One time when I was in high school, I was in this asylum-style emotional state, lost on my first "out of town" trip alone to visit my brother in Slidell - a mere hour and a half drive from home. I was astray, bright red, with tears streaming down my face, my car stopped almost in the middle of the street trying to figure out which way to go. I looked over at some guy in a Volvo passing by and he simply lifted his hand, made a thumbs-up sign and gave me a smile that beamed, "Everything will be alright." It was so kind, so out of context, so minimal, and yet, like an arrow it pierced straight through the feeling that I was riding it all alone. An act that took less than ten seconds, still fresh in my mind more than ten years later. There is something incredibly magical in random acts of kindness.
The sage stage of giving is in doing so without words, without requirements, without pausing for thanks. This is the way of the warrior: not only to give, but to do so incognito. When it is anonymous it automatically circumvents all those messy human quirks like ego, wanting extra credit or buttering someone up for a requested return on a later date. When i was little and my brother wanted to take apart some electronic toy I had so he could build a strobe light or a trip-wire alarm for his room, I immediately went into bargaining mode. "I'll give you my new walkman (yes I'm that old) if you don't pin me down with your knees to try and see how close your drool can get to my forehead without actually touching it for a week, my walkman AND my remote control monster truck if you don't do it for a month." As the youngest, it was rare that someone wanted something I had, and rarer still that I could ever get people to play by my rules, so I used all I had to get all I thought I needed.
Giving with expectations of return is like casting a line with a worm on a hook to reel in a fish, and then gutting the fish later. Bargaining in business is not only appropriate, it's intellight, but in relationships with loved ones? Gutting. It sets up a spirit of power broking and amputates the true essense of giving, which is love. Wanting the other to have more. Wanting the other to feel nice. Making life easier for someone you care about. It can be difficult to do, but I've discovered a litmus test of sorts if you are unsure of your gifting/giving motives. Before I give of myself - whether it's my free time, money or heart - I ask myself, "Will I resent this later? Will I be wanting thanks, pausing for acknowledgement? Will I be irrirated with a rash of 'Look at all I do for them?'" I've learned there are two basic ways of giving: "Listen, I've got very limited resources, if I give it to you... it better be good and I'd better get a lot back." Versus, "Listen, honey, I've got loads here, take some of this extra weight off my back. Enjoy!" It's a powerful feeling to give from your pool of "enough." Plenty begets plenty - like mold, where some exists, more grows. A friend of mine with incredible money karma claims that whenever she is financially insecure or tight, it is in that hour that she gives more, tips generously and is fluid with her money, kick-starting the flow - like lowering national interest rates, which makes money easier to acquire, thus activating spending. It is because she sends the world a powerful message first, "I have more than enough," that the universe mirrors it back to her. It is just plain attractive and infectious.
Believe in abundance, live with a little thumbs-up, and perform random acts of kindess, anonymously. You never know which simple little gift will end up profoundly affecting a perfect stranger, who may be silently grateful for years..
Until next time...
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