I had a typical, run-of-the-mill, dysfunctional family of the peculiar and slightly eccentric kind growing up. I look back now and realize I gleaned a whole lot of "character building" out of those crucial stages of evelopment. An Irish-Scandinavian lot with a taste for booze (well, one in particular) and a mind for stubbornness, we lived in a smaller suburban/country area with a flare for similarity, symmetry, and organization. My family was anything but.
One night, I happened to be upset about something and, to cheer me up, my mom insisted we throw on layers of goofy dress-up clothes and march through the neighborhood singing "You and I travel to the beat of a different drum." Just Mama, myself, and Linda Ronstadt - and the neighborhood, in awe.
In short, my upbringing wasn't typical, but it sure was educational. From a bland town, born of a slightly insane family and incubated with a big sense of adventure, I craved the wanderlust and independence I had innate within me, so I left my hometown the first chance I could. (Mind you, I didn't travel THAT far - just 20 miles or so to my home state's capital..) As the saying goes, "you can't choose your family, but you can choose to move a million miles away from them."
Miles away or down the block, a ninja's primary purpose is to live a life led by love: in all relations, in every decision, nearly every day, even at famliy reunions. The family inferno is particularly hot with opportunities to practice acceptance and love. For some, it's probably effortless to get along with kinfolk. I envy you. Not to say that I'm not on speaking/hugging/kissing terms with every member in my immediate circle, but we can certainly be a confrontational group.
In my quest for ninjahood, I've learned that the starter step in familial recovery is to accept them just as they are. (Actually, I began learning this step LONG before I began my gigantuan quest to become a ninja, I'm just learning to fine-tune these skills now.) Before this genuine acceptance causes you to break out in spontaneous Pollyannish hives, you must first learn forgiveness. You must first wrestle with something in order to pin it down; scale the mountain in order to reach the top. To accept without true forgiveness is like forcing a clown smile over fury and calling it a fine time. With real forgiveness, acceptance just happens.
As I always say (note I said "say," not "do"), don't put off tomorrow what you can do today. (I can be a bit of a hypocrite sometimes...) Start forgiving now. Today. Whatever it takes. There is no better moment. We never know when any of us will be yanked from the stage, curtain drawn. If that has already happened with one of your loved ones, then you really know the weight of this (I'm speaking from personal experience). But I've learned that even if a family member is no longer with you, there is still the opportunity to accept and forgive the past, even the loss. Family is not a choice: love is. The choice of the warrior-ninja? To unwaveringly choose love like it's your last day on stage.
Until next time....
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