Like every other woman on the planet (of the Ninja variety or not), I’ve been the object of some really bad pickup lines. The following are just a few of the more "unforgettable" ones:
“Great legs. What time do they open?”
“That shirt’s very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you, I’d be coming too.”
“Can I get your picture so I can prove to all my friends that angels really do exist?”
“Ok, I’m here. What do you want for your next wish?"
“The name’s Right. Mr. Right.”
“I’m addicted to yes, and I’m allergic to no. So what’s it gonna be?”
“Does your watch have a second hand? I want to know just how long it took for me to fall in love with you.”
“Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?”
These “incidents,” though somewhat insufferable, inspired me to ponder one of the most delicate interfaces of communication – that with the opposite sex. I ruminated on one particular aspect of this complex conundrum, mainly, “Is there really a “good,” or “effective,” way to approach someone of the opposite sex and then communicate to that person that you are interested, find him/her attractive, or want to get to know him/her on a deeper level? (And this connotation of "a deeper level" does not involve engaging in a wild frenzy of sexual activity…)
After deliberating for a while upon my observations, I came to a conclusion regarding this mysterious form of communication and devised a theory, of sorts, concerning the perfect thing to say to that ‘hottie’ when the occasion calls for it. To put it briefly, it's not so much what you say as it is how you say it.
My strategy is really quite simple. But to make things even clearer, I’ve created a hypothetical situation to demonstrate my concept:
Destiny is just leaving her apartment when she spots Mr. Right unloading his groceries from the trunk of his "Volunteer Fireman"-marked truck. She's previously observed him in the neighborhood, noting his tattooed biceps and his propensity to be an easy target for cookie-hustling girl scouts. She really wants to meet this guy. And the perfect moment has been presented for her - he’s now walking her way, carrying ten grocery bags effortlessly with one arm, the sleeve of his white t-shirt taut against his bulging muscles. What should Destiny say to open the door of opportunity?
Here are her options:
A. "Hi there. I notice you walk by here often with groceries. You must cook. What's your favorite recipe?"
B. "So.... What's it like being a firefighter?"
C. "Hi there, guy carrying groceries. Slow down for a sec and pull my finger."
The correct answer? C! I love C!! That response rules and the rest drool!
Ok, so you probably think I'm crazy... (But you already knew that... I am studying the teachings of Master Trungpa.
) With that said, I’ll go ahead and explain my rationale. First, the technical explanation: A and B stink. Now in layman's terms: The responses in A and B are eloquent and make perfect sense. And those are the same qualities that make them wrong!My concept is conceived upon the basis that it's more important to use good timing than good content. In other words, it is more important to not only recognize an opportunity when you see one, but to take it, than it is to say anything smart, clever, or even coherent.
Answer C seems to have a lot wrong with it. It's too demanding and juvenile. But that's also why it’s great! It takes little thought to create. It's free from second-guessing. It can come flowing out of Destiny’s mouth in .5 nanoseconds. It’s called "seizing the moment."
No one is really listening to the words you use at the beginning of a conversation with them anyway. (One reason people often forget your name or the company you work for.) They're in shock and awe that a stranger is talking to them! They're looking from your face to your hands, wondering whether you're a friend or about to clobber them with a club. That's just our inner caveman subconsciously surfacing, I guess. The bottom line? Don't waste your breath saying anything clever at that particular moment.
One of my close friends recalls the first thing he said to his wife when they met. He claims (actually he swears up and down and every other direction in between) that he said, "Hello, my name is Jack. I'm so glad to meet you." But in reality (and I was an eyewitness to the whole shabang), he said, "Ugh, I don’t think I should have eaten that sardine sandwich. I think I might have to barf." Did my friend’s stupid, inarticulate words matter? No, they did not. What matters was that he was smiling (despite his inclination to hurl at the moment) and relaxed when he said them. (And yes, Jack is still married to "the girl he almost hurled on.")
Opening a conversation with a stranger is mostly an exercise in non-logic.You'll waste your breath trying to say the perfect words at that most fleeting of moments. You just want to stop Mr. or Ms. Maybe, gain their focus, and create some trust. Let your words be simple. Don’t worry - later on you can demonstrate your charming wit...
The great thing about all this is that you can stop second-guessing yourself and start indulging your stupid side. I once knew a guy who approached a woman at a party. He said, "I like yellow shoes on Scandinavian people." Last I heard, those two were looking for a bigger house for all their babies. Talk about results!
Until next time...
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